Energy Vampire

You stand in the doorway
Searching for answers that exist
But are no longer obvious.

I stand,
Frustrated by my inability
To help the light
Return to your eyes.

Your need is so great
It feeds on whatever energy
Remains in the room.
Light.
Air.
Me.

I am unable to plug myself back in
And the life continues to drain from me.

As you die
I die too.
And I am powerless to stop it.

~Cindy Shippy Evans

Revelations

I have always been a very private person. It isn't that I don't reveal who I am. I just have a tendency to reveal only those bits and pieces to certain individuals or groups that I know will be open to them. Sometimes being extra-sensitive can be a curse as it keeps me from being totally honest with people about how I really feel. I now understand keeping myself closed off from the world has been a hindrance to my own personal growth and progress. Although it is scary and I know there is a possibility of losing people and things I love, I also know I will not achieve my goals if I don't allow myself to show the world who I truly am. During the coming year, I am going to reveal various aspects of myself through writings and stories that I have not been totally open and honest about.

First and foremost, I am very sensitive to energies. That is why I am extremely good at reading people (although I admit there are times when my mind doesn't wish to believe things about people and I ignore the information). What many people don't know is that I can often communicate with these various energies. I do have some psychic medium capabilities (not well developed as they have never been a big focus for me). I have talked to deceased people I know and those who wish to send messages to people I am close to. Both of my grandchildren came to me before they were born to let me know they were on the way. I have knowledge of my main guardian angel--close enough that he has told me his name. I am also extremely close to the guardians of the natural world. Many people would refer to these energies as fairies. 

Religion has always been a big part of my life. That said, the fallacies of many standard Christian beliefs have slapped me in the face numerous times to the point where I can no longer accept much of it. For example, I do not believe Jesus died for my sins. I don't believe anybody has to die for my sins. I believe my "sins" are learning experiences designed to grow me. I do believe in Jesus. I have a personal relationship with him. I believe he came to the world to be a great teacher--to show us how to grow beyond this present existence. This is just one of many beliefs that are different than mainstream Christianity--and the ones I have found the most difficult to reveal because most of the people I know and love are bound up in such beliefs.

My hope for the coming year is that I will be able to articulate my life and my beliefs in such a way that you will understand who I am. I know I am not everyone's cup of tea, and that is okay. I may even lose some friends over it. That is okay too. Regardless of whether you stay or go, know that I still love you and am envisioning blessings for you and your life. I am also hoping my revelations will bring me people who are part of my tribe--those who I am called to help and interact with.

I feel the call to allow my true self to be revealed. In doing so, I hope to encourage you to do the same if you have not done it already. We are entering a time and an age where the light is becoming so bright nothing can be hidden any longer.

Peace In the Chaos

The past year has been a very crazy and difficult one for me. This last month has been particularly chaotic as my family welcomed a new grandson into the world and I struggled to juggle several trips to south Georgia along with work and trying to take care of my husband's ever growing needs. Two days ago I was at the point of utter exhaustion and total mental meltdown as I attempted to get last minute prep done for my family's Christmas. I finally had to throw in the towel yesterday and allow myself to be content with what I had already gotten done.

Allowing myself to be content with my less-than-perfect self is tough. I am my own worst critic. Coupled with the fact that I enjoy making happy holiday memories for my family, my bright plans not all coming to fruition is a bit of a letdown.

That said, in the midst of the self-created chaos I've had some truly wonderful insights. The first (and most important): I am being way too hard on myself. I have created a must-have scenario that is unrealistic and unfair--especially considering the circumstances of my present life. I am losing the most important part of myself trying to bring about the "perfect" holiday.

I am also aware that I am doing too much for my adult children. When they were little, it was important to me that Christmas be exciting and fun. I so enjoyed planning, buying their Santa gifts, and trying to make sure they had happy childhood memories, regardless of the fact they lived in a one parent household. (Yes, I was overcompensating in many ways.) That said, Christmas was always my favorite holiday and I wanted my kids to share this with me. I believe I have been successful in that goal. The thing is, now that they are adults I need to pull my own reins in and allow them to create their own memories. I will still work to make sure I celebrate the holidays with them. I now understand I need to create new holiday goals--something more realistic and maybe something that includes more of the public at large like volunteering with a program that distributes toys to needy children.

Nearly having a nervous breakdown can sharpen your focus. As I sit in the quiet drinking my morning coffee, I understand that everything is all right in the world. I have shelter, clothing, food, a loving family that I will get to spend time with, and new opportunities opening up. There can be peace within the chaos. We just have to take the time to remember it.

The Savior Is NOT Coming!

At risk of being controversial, I'm sharing why I believe the savior is not coming!

It is time to step out in your own power, play your part, and BEcome the change you wish to see in the world!

Leaving The Past In the Past

As the old year draws to a close, I've had some rather interesting insights into my life thus far. The most profound one involves many of the people I know and love from my past. I have realized it is time to come to a parting of ways. Although I hold fond memories of them, we are on very different journeys and it is time for me to let go of those connections as they are holding me back.

From the time I was a small child, I have been the sort of person to say, "I found this new and exciting place! Come see it with me!" I was always a leader. I was always happiest exploring, questioning, creating, and I wanted to bring other people along for the ride! This is much more easily done when you are a child and your friends are all young. Children are much more open to new experiences. By the time you become an adult, you have found your comfort zone. You understand how your world works (or how you want it to work). Adults are no longer interested in exploring or questioning. They have it all figured out and life is good. I have tried so hard to bring my friends with me on my present journey. The thing is, they do not want to come.

My grief has been profound. I love these people! I expected they would want to go on the journey with me. I was wrong. With each new idea that has challenged and excited me, my old friends have not been impressed or enthused. Most of them just think I'm crazy.

While this part of my journey saddens me, it is not all bad. I have found new friends--people who share my vision and are walking the same path. I am not alone. I am just no longer able to walk with my friends from the past.

I am finally beginning to understand I need to leave these friends behind. While I would love for them all to come with me, I know they are not ready to go there. They may never be ready to go there, and that is okay. I still love them and wish them a good life.

It is time for me to embrace this new journey. That requires packing my bags and walking out the door. I will not look back except to appreciate how that part of my journey grew me as a person. I will leave the past in the past and forge ahead into my new life.

The Benefits of Painful Experience

The past year has been one of the most painful and difficult journeys of my life so far. That said, I wouldn't change a thing!

Darkness Is Only Overwhelming When You Fail To Turn On Your Light!

In the midst of great darkness, it is easy to feel alone and helpless. Darkness, by its very nature, is a separating force. It is easy to forget the reality that we are not alone. There is a very real energy that connects us all together when we take the time to remember and focus on it.

As we observe the great chaos going on in the world today, it is important to remember who we are. We are all very powerful creators of light and love at the core of our beings! We have the ability to change outcomes through the very nature of our presence. We just need to remember who we came to be in the world.

Darkness is only overwhelming when you fail to turn on your light!

~CSE