Thankful For The Darkness

There are times in life where it doesn't rain but it pours. My life in recent weeks has reflected this as I struggle with my mom's approaching heart surgery, my husband's health problems, my oldest son's wedding, car problems, etc. It seems as though everything in my life has culminated in one perfect storm and I am at a loss with how to cope with it all. That said, this morning as I sit in quiet meditation I am thankful for the darkness that surrounds me.

I have survived a lot of perfect storms in my life. I was saved from a cult that blinded me when I was a young adult seeking truth. I lived through a very painful episode where my first daughter died less than a day after her birth. I was terribly broken and drained from my first marriage and subsequent divorce--so much so it took almost ten years to restore myself to some degree of normalcy. The turn of events I now find myself in is not exceptional as far as my life goes.

The thing is, all these major challenges in my life have done amazing things for me. The cult experience taught me that I am indeed directly connected to God/Source and I need to rely on that connection for my answers and guidance instead of on what other people tell me. The death of my infant daughter taught me how to be compassionate in the face of blinding loss. The demise of my first marriage and subsequent rebuilding of myself from the ground up taught me what my strengths and weaknesses are and what I deserve and don't deserve from life. Yes, the pain from all these events was significant, but in process I was able to overcome major obstacles. This is where the most powerful growth comes from. As difficult as these situations were, they changed me in very positive ways. I will never be the same and I am blessed because of it.

As I sit, wondering where my life is going to go from here, I am reassured there is light somewhere around the corner. Great darkness brings powerful change (and ironically, I have been praying for powerful change to come into my life). It appears it is indeed time for me to move into the next phase of my earthly existence.

Great change is the result of weathering great difficulties. It is darkness that prompts a person to make the changes necessary to forge a new life path. Darkness always precedes the light. Although I am in the midst of the darkness, I am thankful. I know I am experiencing a very powerful growth process, and this knowing brings me peace.

~CSE

  

    

When God Shows Up As An Atheist

I have struggled in recent weeks. Several people in my immediate family are having major health issues. I see a need to stay home more and take care of my family, yet I really do need the income that my job brings in. On top of that, my oldest son is getting married in a few short weeks. Although I (fortunately) am not doing the planning, with everything else going on even finding a dress to wear is a struggle. Stress has overwhelmed me to the point of tears on many occasions during the last few weeks. I have spent a great deal of time in prayer and meditation as I attempt to cope with the circumstances of my life. I have seen little glimpses of God here and there, but yesterday evening I ate dinner with him. He showed up in the form of a dear, old friend, who also happens to be atheist!

I've known this particular friend for perhaps fifteen or sixteen years, since the time her now high school senior son was in my two-year-old class at the daycare I worked at. She is not an outspoken atheist. In fact, I didn't even know she was one until last night. I knew she didn't have an interest in religion. She is a very hardworking HR-type professional who also happens to have a great sense of humor and is a lot of fun to hang out with. I had managed to reconnect with her through social media, but it wasn't until I ran into her at my retail job that I realized how much I had missed her. We talked about getting together over dinner and eventually made the plans that culminated in dinner last evening.

Yesterday was an especially difficult day. I spent a lot of time just trying to take care of me as I sort through all the messy details of my life and try to figure out a game plan. I have to admit, I almost called my friend and told her I had a headache (which I did) and asked to reschedule. I wasn't feeling particularly social and I did not want to come across as Debbie Downer. Somehow, I ended up going anyway, and I am glad I did.

During the course of the conversation I ended up telling her everything that was going on in my life. (So much for not being Debbie Downer!) The great part was, my friend asked a lot of questions and not just about the problems. She asked what I was doing for me and pointed out the simple truth that if I didn't work at filling myself back up I would have nothing left to give back out.

I talked about my goals of writing and doing workshops designed to help others cope with life and heal themselves. My friend pointed out that one of my gifts was the gift of presence. I have a tendency to show up and interact with others in powerful ways. People that know me personally like me and trust me. She suggested that in order to touch people in the ways I desire to I should look at connecting with them as a physical presence. I have to admit, that was one aspect of my life I had not looked at. It was a powerful insight. I spend a lot of time hiding in the shadows.

I have prayed so often for insight and direction as I struggle to take control of my life in new and positive ways. It's really quite brilliant to see an answer to prayer show up in the form of an atheist. I know my friend probably wouldn't see it this light, but last night she showed up as God in human form, helping me see myself from a new perspective.  

We are all Divine energy--unique expressions of God interacting with each other in profound ways. Although we don't always acknowledge this truth, it is times like these I am reminded of this simple fact.

~CSE

Finding the Divine Within

In this heavy and dense 3-dimensional existence, we often feel alone, separate from everyone and everything in the world around us. It is this sense of separation that leads us to feelings of fear and depression. We don't feel we have the power to cope with the obstacles we face every day. Indeed, we are taught to look outside ourselves for something bigger and better that can to save us. We see this scenario played out in our fairy tales, our television programs and even our religions.

The fact of the matter is, each one of us contains a spark of the Divine. Each one of us has the ability to tap into a place deep within that connects us to Source energy and all that is. This is the place of all wisdom and understanding. This is where we know we are part of the grand whole that is life itself. We are never alone once we understand and live this connection.

Separation is an illusion. Learn to connect to that place inside that connects you to all that is Divine. Your life will never be the same!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic! How have you felt this connection to the Divine and what was your experience? Your understanding might be key for someone else to experience their own connection! Please share below!

~CSE

Goal Setting And Living In The Now

I have always been a goal setter. I tend to daydream big dreams. Then I think up possible ways to get there. The problem with that approach is that life has a tendency to get in the way. Nothing ever turns out the way I have planned it. Somehow, I do arrive at my destination, just not the way I wanted to. Ironically, I usually get there kicking and screaming and don't even realize it until I have been at the destination for a while!

It has dawned on me lately that I am not often focused on living in the present moment. I am so caught up in my future plans that I don't appreciate what I am doing in the here and now. The worst part is, living in the future also leads to a great deal of unnecessary worry. Worst case scenarios have a tendency to pop up, limiting your enjoyment of what is happening in the present moment and stealing your joy.

As of today, I am going to attempt to not plan. What? Not plan? Not anticipate? How in the world will I get things done? How will my goals be accomplished? The answer is simple: I am going to allow my heart to do the planning. I am going to allow my heart to guide me! (Novel idea, huh, as that is the whole goal of this blog!)

The plan is simple enough. I'm going to make a list of things I would like to accomplish in future. Then I'll to fold it up and put it someplace I will be able to access it periodically (but not necessarily front and center). Once that is accomplished, I am going to do my best to forget about the list and live each moment in the here and now. The goal will be to follow the guidance and wisdom that comes from my heart!

There is a method to my madness. Making the list will set the intention. God/Source and my higher self know the best way to get there. By living in the now and accessing God and my higher self through my heart connection, they will guide me by showing me what will make me happy and bring me joy in the present moment. I do not need to think (key word) about the future. As all time (past, present and future) exists where God and my higher self are, accessing their wisdom should yield results.

I do plan to access my list occasionally--hopefully not more than once a month or so because I don't want to dwell on it too much. The goal here is to observe whether or not I have made any noticeable progress.

I am not going to detail my list here, other than to say that one of my main goals is transitioning to a place where I no longer need to work part-time for someone else as I have all the resources I need working for myself. These lists are meant to be personal. You need not feel pressure to reveal your goals to anyone else unless you want someone else to witness your transformation.

As a planet, we are in a heavy growth phase. Chaos seems to reign supreme as we transfer our awareness to growth and new ways of doing things. The shift we are making involves learning to live in the now and following the wisdom that comes from communion with God and our higher selves through connection with our hearts. This method of goal setting is designed to help people stay focused on heart-based living. Join me? Together we can change the course of the entire planet! I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!!!

~CSE

   

Exploring Communion With The Divine

Although this is technically a Christian song, it works on many levels. It speaks to connection to the Divine. It speaks to flow. There is no want here--no lack. Everything is present. Everything is perfect. Everything appears at the appropriate time it is needed.

The more we allow ourselves to play in this Divine energy where everything is perfect--even life's "imperfections", we allow ourselves to trust. We allow ourselves to heal. We bring wholeness to ourselves and our lives. We BEcome the change!

Music can be the portal through which we let our guards down and allow ourselves to become One with the Divine. Explore this space! I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

The light in me honors and delights in the light in you!

~CSE

You Are Not Your Mistakes

We have all been taught to believe mistakes are bad things. Mistakes are learning things. They are tools we use to learn about the world around us, nothing more. The shame and guilt we are trained to hold on to because of our mistakes only serve to keep us trapped in blocked, stagnant energy. Mistakes can bring awareness and even healing if we allow ourselves to gain the benefits of them.

You are a divine BEing of light and love. Don't allow your mistakes to define who you are and where you can go in life. Instead, allow your mistakes to grow you. Your life will never be the same!

~CSE

On The Way To The Election

An interesting thing has happened on the way to the US Presidential election. It was not something I anticipated although I did receive some indication that change was afoot. The signs of discontent are obvious in the world around me.

For those of you who know me, I have been a "conspiracy theorist" for a while now. I have spent the last few years raging against the machine that has enslaved us. I've done a pretty good job keeping up with the latest information and doing my part to educate the public on what is going on behind-the-scenes. Still, something is missing.

I have been a conspiracy theorist for around five years. I know people who have been on to this information for twenty or thirty years. When you read alternative news stories, you come to feel that big things are being done behind-the-scenes to overcome the oppression and that a major breakthrough will occur any day. There is an expression conspiracy theorists (who have at least a little time under their belt) like to use to describe such "breakthroughs". Hurry up and wait! As I mentioned, there are people out there who have been waiting thirty years for change to occur. We are still waiting.

Why is that? We are still waiting because we have been conditioned to wait for a hero! We listen to fairy tales where the white knight rides up on his gallant steed to save the beautiful princess from the terrible dragon. We study religions that tell us that, when the world has fallen into ultimate evil, a savior will appear to gather up the righteous. Here in the US, we believe a new President will solve all our problems (even though it hasn't happened yet).

What we fail to recognize is that we need to be our own heroes! When we look to someone or something other than ourselves to save us, we have given up our own power and placed it in the hands of another. Nothing happens because the power is now in the hands of someone who just desires control, and he likes things the way they are!

I have known for a while that I personally needed to step up and do something to change my world. Ironically, when this latest presidential contest came up, I once again began looking at candidates to see what they have to offer. I like Bernie Sanders because his platform is the most human and actually takes the little guy into consideration. Also, he walks his talk. Even though Trump is an insider in many ways, I don't believe he is a terrible choice because I can see the current powers that be don't want him in office. That is obvious to me from the facts that Republican leadership has not backed him (aka the Bush cabal) and that the mainstream media is going overboard in terms of twisting everything he says to make him look like a terrible monster. Hillary...I'm not even going to go there.

For a while, I found myself drawn up into all the rhetoric. That's when it hit me. Not only were we decimating the platforms and characters of the candidates themselves, but we were also ascribing extremely negative attributes to anyone who was "stupid" enough to vote for those candidates. For example, anyone who chose Bernie was automatically labeled a socialist, which brings to mind a society of lazy misfits who give up all constitutional rights because of their apathy. Trump supporters are bigoted monsters who will end up killing minorities just like the WWII era Germans did under Hitler. (Does anyone else see how extreme these views are? We are ascribing these traits to people we know and love!)

We have allowed ourselves to be drawn into the same old "us" vs. "them" arguments that are the backbone of the Divide and Conquer strategy of control the supposed elite have used to dominate us for centuries! As long as we see our family, our friends and our neighbors as the enemy, we will be so occupied fighting that our leaders can do any darn thing they want behind the scenes and make it stick!

On the way to the election, I discovered that I have changed. I can finally see the many ways I personally have been drawn into the struggles. I understand how I am part of the fight that leads to giving up my own personal power and control. I now hurt when I see all the negative attributes being placed on my fellow humans in order to keep us all embroiled in the fight.

I am done playing their game. It is time to stand in my own power and listen to the guidance of my heart. Our world will not be saved as long as we seek something outside ourselves. WE are the ones we've been waiting for! Join me!!!

~CSE

Dropping The Survival-Of-The-Fittest Mentality

Many people believe we live in a dog-eat-dog world where only the fittest survive. I am not one of those people. I believe we have been programmed to act that way, but that survival-of-the-fittest mentality is not our natural state.

Look at infants and small children. They cry when they hear another baby cry. The laugh when they hear another person laugh. I spent years working with small children, and I was always amazed at how perceptive they were when I was upset or hurt (and trying not to show it).

As humans, we have done enough damage to ourselves, each other and the planet. It is time to leave this destructive survival-of-the-fittest lifestyle behind and come together to create constructive and positive change. Our very survival depends upon our ability to come together with our fellow humans and work together. Side-by-side, hand-in-hand, we WILL make a difference!

~CSE

A Perfect World

I have many fond memories from my growing up years of a place called Camp Bountiful. It's a camp owned by the church I grew up in, settled in the hills of southeastern Ohio. I used to spend a couple of weeks there every summer, attending family camp (affectionately known as Reunion) and any youth camp I was either eligible to attend or old enough to help/volunteer with. Although it is a beautiful place and I participated in a lot of fun activities there, it was not those things that kept me coming back. What kept me coming back was the spirit I found there--the connection to God and the love that surrounded me.

I was twelve the summer I became conscious of it. I was attending one of my first Junior High camps. Because I was extremely outgoing and had been attending camps here since I was a toddler, I was in my element. I was good at making friends. In fact, I often had friends that didn't like each other. As it happened, two of my good friends that week were enemies. Both of them asked me individually why I liked the other one. I proceeded to talk about the best qualities of the other, although I could tell I wasn't believed. I ignored the friction between the two, but I could feel it just the same.

One of the best things about youth camps were the campfires held at night. There were lively songs and funny skits in the first part of campfire that would slowing transition into a much more mellow place of calm and peace. Usually toward the end of the week, campfires would open to periods of reflection and people were encouraged to share what they had learned throughout the course of the week.

The final campfire that week was a magical one. The experiences people shared spoke of great love, which ultimately binds us all. My two friends who had been in conflict that week apologized to each other and forged the beginning bonds of friendship. The presence of God was powerfully present--so much so I began to see the images of angels among the trees that were the backdrop of our campfire. Everything was perfect at that time in that place.

A soft misty rain fell the following day as we left camp. It almost felt as though God was a little sad that we had to leave this place of connection to go back to our lives in the "real" world. While the goal of camp is to take such feelings back into the world with the hope of growing them there, it was difficult to leave the perfection of that place--the perfection of that feeling.

That is the world I envision. While many would say it is a pipe dream that could never happen in the real world, I beg to differ. I have been there. I have seen it. I have experienced it. I know it can exist in this plane. This is the life I work toward every day as I struggle to find my place in this world.

As we open our hearts to love, we open ourselves to a whole different place--a whole different state of BEing. Our hearts don't come from a place of logic. Our hearts come from a place of feeling, and feeling is what manifests in the real world. The closer we come to thinking first with our hearts, the closer we come to establishing this peaceful more perfect world.

I am looking for people who also see this vision of the future. Join me?

~CSE

       

The Journey Home

We come into this 3rd dimensional world to experience the ultimate separation. Here we are separate from our surroundings, each other and even ourselves. This enables us to understand things in their individuality, increasing our insights and knowledge about how things exist.

Quite often, this state of separation comes with problems and traumas which further increase our sense of loneliness. Our journeys in this 3D world are not for the faint of heart! It takes real courage to stand firm and not become embittered by the struggle.

The irony in all this is that we are not separate. While we experience separation and often believe this is reality, we are always connected through our hearts. Love is the energy that binds us all together and makes us One, and we can find this connection any time we choose to remember it.

The ultimate lesson in life is not about functioning in separation. We are here to remember the Oneness we came from and allow it to harmonize our individual pieces so we can function in wholeness.

The journey of life is a process of exploration in which we ultimately discover our way back home.
~CSE