I have been doing a lot of self-healing work lately as part of the process of returning to purpose. One of the most valuable insights I have received thus far is identifying the moment I stopped thinking with my heart and began to think with my mind instead.
Let me explain exactly what that means. When we are born, we come out as bundles of potential. We follow our instincts. We live in the moment and experience the world around us. If we need something, we cry and make it known. We play. We experiment. We discover. We are attracted to certain people and experiences, and we seek those out. This is how our hearts function, and when we think with our hearts this is how we experience the world.
There comes a point in everyone's life where they are confronted with the processes of the mind. For some it happens in infancy. These people have almost always chosen difficult life paths. For others, it comes further down the road. The mind is the part of us that is designed to keep us safe. It takes in information from the five senses and uses memory to encode what we learn from these experiences. When a similar experience happens later down the road, we drawn on these memories to decide our next move--often something to keep us from dealing with remembered pain.
Problems come in when we allow our minds to make all the decisions and do away with the advice our hearts give us. Why is this a problem? Our hearts have been encoded with our soul purpose. When we stop listening to our hearts in favor of listening to our minds, we often forget what that purpose is. If we do this long enough, our lives become unfulfilling and meaningless.
I can pinpoint the moment I stopped relying on the advice of my heart in favor of what my mind told me to do. As a kid, I was an interesting combination of introvert and leader. I craved a lot of alone time. However, in social situations I was very much the leader. I was cute and smart and funny and people would seek me out. I was also creative and knew what I wanted to do at any given moment. Usually people would join me with whatever I decided to do in that moment. If they were left out, I would include them.
This is how I lived my life until I met a particular friend. She was fun and full of life (still is actually). However, she did not want to follow along with everything I did. I found out because I overheard something I was not supposed to hear. Ironically, as I look back at my young self, I know I never forced anyone to go along with what I wanted. I was also goody two shoes, so my suggestions didn't get people into trouble. Most people liked me enough they would go along with my suggestions. In that moment, however, I began to question my whole way of doing things. I did not want to force people to participate in things they did not care for. I stopped following what was in my own heart. I began inquiring about what other people wanted to do and would often follow along. My mind told me this was the way to make people like me. I was twelve.
There were still times throughout my life when I did follow my heart. I followed my heart when I began volunteering at a camp for abused and neglected children. I followed my heart when I chose my college and became a tour guide at church historic sites during my summer vacations. Following my heart also led me to my first professional job out of college--working as a residence counselor in a group home for emotionally disturbed children. My biggest heart-based achievement to date has been raising my children.
Still, much of my life has been dominated by mind-based decisions. During my first marriage, I was obsessed with making sure my husband was happy--to the point I did almost nothing for myself. Those things I did do for myself I allowed him to sabotage because he was not happy unless the focus was on him. The only heart-based decision I stubbornly clung to was the one involving raising my children. That decision ultimately led to my divorce. It also took so much out of me I spent years recovering. My work life has also not been particularly fulfilling. I have mainly worked jobs that supplied me with the money I needed to live on, with little else to show for them.
I will be fifty-one in two days. I have spent close to forty years listening to my heart over my mind. I am wasting no more time. I will seek out every chance to follow my heart and my bliss.
When did you stop following your heart? How will you choose to change it? When we all choose to follow the wisdom and guidance that comes from listening to our hearts, the world will be a much kinder, brighter and better place. In my view, this is what is missing from the planet.
~CSE
Let me explain exactly what that means. When we are born, we come out as bundles of potential. We follow our instincts. We live in the moment and experience the world around us. If we need something, we cry and make it known. We play. We experiment. We discover. We are attracted to certain people and experiences, and we seek those out. This is how our hearts function, and when we think with our hearts this is how we experience the world.
There comes a point in everyone's life where they are confronted with the processes of the mind. For some it happens in infancy. These people have almost always chosen difficult life paths. For others, it comes further down the road. The mind is the part of us that is designed to keep us safe. It takes in information from the five senses and uses memory to encode what we learn from these experiences. When a similar experience happens later down the road, we drawn on these memories to decide our next move--often something to keep us from dealing with remembered pain.
Problems come in when we allow our minds to make all the decisions and do away with the advice our hearts give us. Why is this a problem? Our hearts have been encoded with our soul purpose. When we stop listening to our hearts in favor of listening to our minds, we often forget what that purpose is. If we do this long enough, our lives become unfulfilling and meaningless.
I can pinpoint the moment I stopped relying on the advice of my heart in favor of what my mind told me to do. As a kid, I was an interesting combination of introvert and leader. I craved a lot of alone time. However, in social situations I was very much the leader. I was cute and smart and funny and people would seek me out. I was also creative and knew what I wanted to do at any given moment. Usually people would join me with whatever I decided to do in that moment. If they were left out, I would include them.
This is how I lived my life until I met a particular friend. She was fun and full of life (still is actually). However, she did not want to follow along with everything I did. I found out because I overheard something I was not supposed to hear. Ironically, as I look back at my young self, I know I never forced anyone to go along with what I wanted. I was also goody two shoes, so my suggestions didn't get people into trouble. Most people liked me enough they would go along with my suggestions. In that moment, however, I began to question my whole way of doing things. I did not want to force people to participate in things they did not care for. I stopped following what was in my own heart. I began inquiring about what other people wanted to do and would often follow along. My mind told me this was the way to make people like me. I was twelve.
There were still times throughout my life when I did follow my heart. I followed my heart when I began volunteering at a camp for abused and neglected children. I followed my heart when I chose my college and became a tour guide at church historic sites during my summer vacations. Following my heart also led me to my first professional job out of college--working as a residence counselor in a group home for emotionally disturbed children. My biggest heart-based achievement to date has been raising my children.
Still, much of my life has been dominated by mind-based decisions. During my first marriage, I was obsessed with making sure my husband was happy--to the point I did almost nothing for myself. Those things I did do for myself I allowed him to sabotage because he was not happy unless the focus was on him. The only heart-based decision I stubbornly clung to was the one involving raising my children. That decision ultimately led to my divorce. It also took so much out of me I spent years recovering. My work life has also not been particularly fulfilling. I have mainly worked jobs that supplied me with the money I needed to live on, with little else to show for them.
I will be fifty-one in two days. I have spent close to forty years listening to my heart over my mind. I am wasting no more time. I will seek out every chance to follow my heart and my bliss.
When did you stop following your heart? How will you choose to change it? When we all choose to follow the wisdom and guidance that comes from listening to our hearts, the world will be a much kinder, brighter and better place. In my view, this is what is missing from the planet.
~CSE
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