The past year has been a very crazy and difficult one for me. This last month has been particularly chaotic as my family welcomed a new grandson into the world and I struggled to juggle several trips to south Georgia along with work and trying to take care of my husband's ever growing needs. Two days ago I was at the point of utter exhaustion and total mental meltdown as I attempted to get last minute prep done for my family's Christmas. I finally had to throw in the towel yesterday and allow myself to be content with what I had already gotten done.
Allowing myself to be content with my less-than-perfect self is tough. I am my own worst critic. Coupled with the fact that I enjoy making happy holiday memories for my family, my bright plans not all coming to fruition is a bit of a letdown.
That said, in the midst of the self-created chaos I've had some truly wonderful insights. The first (and most important): I am being way too hard on myself. I have created a must-have scenario that is unrealistic and unfair--especially considering the circumstances of my present life. I am losing the most important part of myself trying to bring about the "perfect" holiday.
I am also aware that I am doing too much for my adult children. When they were little, it was important to me that Christmas be exciting and fun. I so enjoyed planning, buying their Santa gifts, and trying to make sure they had happy childhood memories, regardless of the fact they lived in a one parent household. (Yes, I was overcompensating in many ways.) That said, Christmas was always my favorite holiday and I wanted my kids to share this with me. I believe I have been successful in that goal. The thing is, now that they are adults I need to pull my own reins in and allow them to create their own memories. I will still work to make sure I celebrate the holidays with them. I now understand I need to create new holiday goals--something more realistic and maybe something that includes more of the public at large like volunteering with a program that distributes toys to needy children.
Nearly having a nervous breakdown can sharpen your focus. As I sit in the quiet drinking my morning coffee, I understand that everything is all right in the world. I have shelter, clothing, food, a loving family that I will get to spend time with, and new opportunities opening up. There can be peace within the chaos. We just have to take the time to remember it.
Allowing myself to be content with my less-than-perfect self is tough. I am my own worst critic. Coupled with the fact that I enjoy making happy holiday memories for my family, my bright plans not all coming to fruition is a bit of a letdown.
That said, in the midst of the self-created chaos I've had some truly wonderful insights. The first (and most important): I am being way too hard on myself. I have created a must-have scenario that is unrealistic and unfair--especially considering the circumstances of my present life. I am losing the most important part of myself trying to bring about the "perfect" holiday.
I am also aware that I am doing too much for my adult children. When they were little, it was important to me that Christmas be exciting and fun. I so enjoyed planning, buying their Santa gifts, and trying to make sure they had happy childhood memories, regardless of the fact they lived in a one parent household. (Yes, I was overcompensating in many ways.) That said, Christmas was always my favorite holiday and I wanted my kids to share this with me. I believe I have been successful in that goal. The thing is, now that they are adults I need to pull my own reins in and allow them to create their own memories. I will still work to make sure I celebrate the holidays with them. I now understand I need to create new holiday goals--something more realistic and maybe something that includes more of the public at large like volunteering with a program that distributes toys to needy children.
Nearly having a nervous breakdown can sharpen your focus. As I sit in the quiet drinking my morning coffee, I understand that everything is all right in the world. I have shelter, clothing, food, a loving family that I will get to spend time with, and new opportunities opening up. There can be peace within the chaos. We just have to take the time to remember it.
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