When Life Doesn't Go According To Plan

Expectations. We all have them. They come from how the world tells us things should be. The problems come in when life doesn't go according to plan (which is pretty much all the time). Why does this happen? It's because we have a tendency to make plans with our minds rather than with our hearts!

Key here is that we usually make plans based on what society and our own experience tells us is correct. We have used our five senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell) to gain information about how the world works. Then, using this experience, we rationalize the various options we see and choose what direction we will go in.

When I was young, I had all these expectations about how my life was going to be. I was going to get married, raise a family, have a successful counseling career and grow old with that same husband. The first thing to go was the career. I started out on the path, becoming a residence counselor working with emotionally disturbed children. Spending time with children who had severe behavioral problems because of abuse helped me understand I wanted to be the one actually raising my children instead of having a daycare raise them. Grad school was no longer all that desirable.

The second thing to go was the marriage. While I now understand there was so much wrong with my first marriage, losing it was still devastating. I felt like such a failure. I was broken and alone, and it took me many years to recover.

Even though my life did not stick to my mental script, I believe it did go according to plan. What I didn't understand was that it was going to follow the plan of my heart. My heart understood that I needed to learn self-worth and self-reliance. My heart understood I needed to be made stronger through adversity. My heart understood I was not meant to live inside a box that other people fit comfortably in.

I am okay with that. I can now appreciate that I've always had what I needed exactly when I needed it, even when I didn't understand what was going on at the time. My life has been full of fumbling and missteps, but it has been richer and more complete because of those problems. My life has not gone according to the plans in my head, but because my heart had other ideas my life has been everything I have needed.

Scrap the plan and follow the guidance of your heart! You may just find yourself in a place that far outweighs your former expectations.

~CSE

Of Family And Expectations

When I was still young and impressionable, I used to dream about the one perfect relationship that was meant for just me. My own parents had a good, solid marriage, and I just assumed that I would also be able to find the love of my life and raise a family together with this soulmate. That just didn't happen. I ended up divorced and alone with three very small children after a little over ten years of marriage.

I struggled with that for a very long time. It was difficult accepting I had failed--both for myself and my children. I hated knowing that I might not ever give my kids the home I had dreamed about with the white picket fence and two parents that loved them unconditionally. What tore me up even more is that my ex had already moved on. He could give my children something I considered more normal when they were with him and his new wife.

What I came to realize was that, even though I could not give my children what society considered "normal", I could still give them a good life. I managed to find myself a job that not only payed the bills, but allowed me to spend large quantities of time with my children. My kids had very full lives of school, church and activities, but we also spent time watching movies and enjoying each others' company. I could support them in the things they wanted to do but also help them hone in on their individual talents so their confidence and self esteem grew. Most of all, I loved them as much as another person could possibly love them. These things did not require two parents.

I also learned a great deal about myself along the way. I had become very dependent on my ex-husband, so much so that my identity had transformed into being his wife and the mother of his children. It's taken me years to appreciate that was not a healthy state to be in. The struggle of being a single mom helped me learn that I am important and that I am more than what I provide for others. I have my own talents. I have my own goals. I have my own contributions to make to the world besides being a mom.

There really is no such thing as "normal" (except perhaps as a washer setting). What is appropriate for one life may be totally inappropriate for another. What is important to understand is that life is about learning and growth and that we each have our own personalized lesson plan.

Families come in many forms. Sometimes families are biological. Sometimes families find each other. Sometimes they consist of two parents and children. Sometimes it might be one parent (or parent figure). What is important is that we not compare ourselves with others because what they need to learn may not be anything like what you need to learn.

When it comes to family, drop your expectations and enjoy what you have. The journey will be much more amazing when you accept what comes and allow yourself to find happiness on that particular path.

~CSE

What Women Deserve

As I work through the process of self-healing, I am amazed at the amount of information that comes through as I ask questions. My personal journey lately has involved large blocks of time spent on assisting and reawakening the Divine Feminine aspects of myself, and with that process comes a very profound truth. The Divine Feminine has been corrupted to the point that women have become second class citizens. Women deserve so much more than what they have endured.

It begins from the time we are born. While emphasis is placed on our feminine side, it is not on the Divine Feminine. For example, instead of focusing on the intuitive, empathic nature of the heart we are told what we are experiencing is our own internal drama not related to the outside world. We are taught to contain and suppress it instead of allowing the awareness intuition brings to assist us in our ability to love and heal. The focus is all on what is outside self as opposed to what lies within. For girls, that emphasis is placed on how they can serve with little or no thought given to what sort of gifts they should expect back in return. Even making oneself more "beautiful" is considered by many to be of utmost importance.

By the time a girl hits puberty, her self esteem has usually hit an all-time low. Instead of being nurtured in her feminine gifts, she has spent her life being compared to the masculine idea of self and found lacking. Societal memes such as "run like a girl", "fight like a girl", "girls aren't good at math and science", etc. all contribute to girls looking at outside attributes and comparing their personal differences to boys, who are held up as the standard. Consequently, girls often continue down the road of subservience.

By the time girls reach adulthood the transformation is complete. They give everything they have in their roles of daughter, wife, mother. Even when their energy finds a career they enjoy and can make a difference in they often minimize their contributions. Most of their energy gets expended on the outside world while they forget they deserve an equal energy back.

The fact of the matter is, women deserve much more than they have been given. They are not doormats catering to a man's every whim. They are not inferior in mind or body, regardless of physical strength. They should not be held to higher standards of beauty than men. In fact, the Divine Masculine actually honors the beauty and strength of the whole woman--especially the divine, intuitive connection to Source energy.

It is time for women to acknowledge what they do have and demand more from the world at large. We are strong, we are capable, we are connected, and we will connect you to that place of heart! We will guide you home!

~CSE

The Problem With Expectations

I am a planner. I like to have a goal to work toward. I like to know where I'm going. I even go to the extreme of trying to anticipate and plan for various problems and contingencies to occur because I just don't like being unprepared. The thing is, planning often comes with expectations, and expectations can be a problem.

In my experience, there are two main problems with having expectations. The first is that expectations are often the results of our programming and are often not realistic. For example, here in the US we are told it is important to finish high school, get a college degree, and often get a graduate degree in order to get a good paying job. People are willing to spend boatloads of money on getting these fancy pieces of paper qualifying them for fancy jobs, only to discover there are no fancy jobs available. Meanwhile, the interest accrues on student loans they don't have the ability to repay and cannot declare bankruptcy on. There will always be problems when we look to expectations that originate outside ourselves because we are not following the guidance and wisdom of our hearts.

The other problem with expectations is this: when you expect things to happen in a certain way, you limit what God/Source and the Universe can bestow on you. These expectations literally become blocks that keep you from receiving the blessings that are meant for you! The Universe is infinite and flexible, but when you have expectations you have guidelines the Universe must follow.

When you live in flow, you live in complete trust that God/Source knows exactly what is best for you and has your back. Picture it as canoeing down a river with God literally in your boat. You have never been to this river, so you don't know exactly what direction it will take you in. However, you trust the journey because the river knows its course and you have the benefit of having a knowledgeable navigator with you.

We are entering new and nontraditional waters. Recognize the importance of leaving expectations behind as we follow this new course. Creating our new and beautiful world will be much easier when we allow the Universe to show us the possibilities that exist outside our present understandings.

~CSE