Leaving The Past In the Past

As the old year draws to a close, I've had some rather interesting insights into my life thus far. The most profound one involves many of the people I know and love from my past. I have realized it is time to come to a parting of ways. Although I hold fond memories of them, we are on very different journeys and it is time for me to let go of those connections as they are holding me back.

From the time I was a small child, I have been the sort of person to say, "I found this new and exciting place! Come see it with me!" I was always a leader. I was always happiest exploring, questioning, creating, and I wanted to bring other people along for the ride! This is much more easily done when you are a child and your friends are all young. Children are much more open to new experiences. By the time you become an adult, you have found your comfort zone. You understand how your world works (or how you want it to work). Adults are no longer interested in exploring or questioning. They have it all figured out and life is good. I have tried so hard to bring my friends with me on my present journey. The thing is, they do not want to come.

My grief has been profound. I love these people! I expected they would want to go on the journey with me. I was wrong. With each new idea that has challenged and excited me, my old friends have not been impressed or enthused. Most of them just think I'm crazy.

While this part of my journey saddens me, it is not all bad. I have found new friends--people who share my vision and are walking the same path. I am not alone. I am just no longer able to walk with my friends from the past.

I am finally beginning to understand I need to leave these friends behind. While I would love for them all to come with me, I know they are not ready to go there. They may never be ready to go there, and that is okay. I still love them and wish them a good life.

It is time for me to embrace this new journey. That requires packing my bags and walking out the door. I will not look back except to appreciate how that part of my journey grew me as a person. I will leave the past in the past and forge ahead into my new life.

Allowing The Pain And Sadness Of Others

I read a meme on social media that struck a chord with me. It said, "When you can't look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark." It dawned on me how often we look at the sadness and pain of others and immediately begin trying to comfort them and make them feel better. We give them comfort food, regale them with stories, or take them to movies--anything to distract them from the pain of what they're experiencing. The thing is, often such distraction techniques are counterintuitive. Pain has to be dealt with before it dissipates. Sometimes the best thing you can do is provide companionship to someone who is struggling so they have the added support to deal with it. 

One of the most painful things I have ever experienced was losing my newborn daughter. Regardless of the fact that she lived outside my body for less than a day, I knew her. I had spent months dreaming about how her life would go and all the experiences I wanted to share with her. I could see everything in my mind's eye--so perfectly it was almost as though it really existed. Not only did I lose my baby but I lost those dreams of her. 

One of the main reasons I was able to deal with my grief in a timely manner was the great support I had from friends. I had spent the past couple of years working as a residence counselor with emotionally disturbed children. Consequently, most of my friends were social workers and psychologists who were used to dealing with big, painful problems in their clients. I had people around me who were strong enough to listen, and they were strong enough to just sit with me in my pain. Having that level of support when I was feeling so much discomfort gave me the courage to face it and deal with it. 

It is not easy to allow someone else to feel pain. We are so connected--especially to our friends and family members--that we can feel their pain on an empathetic level. It is natural to want to help them stop hurting. Understand that pain is not something that needs to be fixed. Healing it requires accepting its place in your life and allowing beauty to evolve from it in its own time.

Allowing the pain and sadness of others is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. By sitting with them in that pain, you give support while you encourage healing. Do you have the courage required to be a healer?

~CSE