I was sixteen years old the first summer I volunteered at a camp for abused and neglected children. One of the campers I befriended that week was a mere two years younger than me. As we spent time hanging out, she began to open up to me and share her story. Part of that story involved being raped at the hands of her father. So many emotions went through me. Love and concern and sadness for her. Anger that her father--a person who was supposed to protect her--could do such a thing. There was absolutely nothing I could do for her except listen and let her know I valued her and that what had happened to her was not her fault. I still don't know why she chose to share, but I do know that my response to her made a difference. We continued to be friends even outside of camp for the next few years until I went out of state to college.
We want to believe such circumstances are the exceptions and not the rule. The simple truth is, they are not the exceptions. Our culture of rape and abuse is so prevalent that the little evidences we see of it every day get glossed over and accepted as though they are just a normal part of life. Let me be clear: rape and abuse are not normal or healthy! Denying it is present in almost every facet of our lives only keeps us in darkness. Healing cannot take place under such conditions.
You believe I am being too hard on society? I beg to differ. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), an American is sexually assaulted every two minutes. The majority of victims are under thirty years of age. One out of every six women is a victim of rape or attempted rape during her lifetime. One in thirty-three men have experienced rape or attempted rape in their lifetimes. Personally, I believe the statistics are much higher. These are the ones that get reported and prosecuted.
It is amazing to me how much this discussion has opened up because of the Donald Trump recording that has recently become the center of political debate. I do not want to make it sound as though I am excusing his behavior. I am not. I do want to point out it is part of our culture of rape and abuse that, up to this point, we have largely overlooked. Although Trump's arrogance and moxie make him an easy target, this sort of behavior within politics and power is nothing new. Everyone is throwing Bill's misdeeds back and even Hillary's past successful defense of a child rapist in order to justify the behavior (and their personal candidates). The simple truth is, this is all wrong! Two, or four, or a million wrongs can never make verbal or physical rape and abuse okay. If you don't want it in politics, it is time to stand up and throw it ALL out!!! The rape and abuse culture within politics is pervasive on both sides of the aisle.
More importantly, it is time to begin to recognize where we have made rape and abuse acceptable in our society. Look no farther than popular culture. The Fifty Shades of Grey book series, about an S&M sexual relationship, has sold over 125 million worldwide. Guilty pleasure or programmed response? A quick glance at TV and movie offerings show a lot more sexual encounters, many of them rough or violent in nature. The vast majority of us in the US have witnessed rape scenarios in something we have watched. Even simple "locker room talk" is thought to bring accolades to the person speaking of their sexual prowess--which is why it happens in the first place. It is this sort of "acceptable" behavior in our society we need to take a serious look at and question. This is how proven rapists end up getting sentenced to two month in jail!
When rape and abuse occur, many of us try to ignore it and sweep it under the rug. We are told things like "he was drunk", "you were drunk", "it is not a good thing to talk about in public", "you are going to ruin his/her whole life because of one little mistake", "boys don't get raped". Often, we try to forget, but the damage is done. We are left broken and scarred. We feel afraid and alone. The sad part is, we are not alone. More of us have been touched by this violence than we care to admit.
Until we are willing to shine a light on this darkness, the darkness will persist. Until we are willing to open up the discussion acknowledging this is a problem, rape and abuse will be part of our everyday culture.
I can no longer personally stomach sitting back and watching this illness take hold of more and more people. I am more than ready for this discussion! Join me?
~CSE
We want to believe such circumstances are the exceptions and not the rule. The simple truth is, they are not the exceptions. Our culture of rape and abuse is so prevalent that the little evidences we see of it every day get glossed over and accepted as though they are just a normal part of life. Let me be clear: rape and abuse are not normal or healthy! Denying it is present in almost every facet of our lives only keeps us in darkness. Healing cannot take place under such conditions.
You believe I am being too hard on society? I beg to differ. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), an American is sexually assaulted every two minutes. The majority of victims are under thirty years of age. One out of every six women is a victim of rape or attempted rape during her lifetime. One in thirty-three men have experienced rape or attempted rape in their lifetimes. Personally, I believe the statistics are much higher. These are the ones that get reported and prosecuted.
It is amazing to me how much this discussion has opened up because of the Donald Trump recording that has recently become the center of political debate. I do not want to make it sound as though I am excusing his behavior. I am not. I do want to point out it is part of our culture of rape and abuse that, up to this point, we have largely overlooked. Although Trump's arrogance and moxie make him an easy target, this sort of behavior within politics and power is nothing new. Everyone is throwing Bill's misdeeds back and even Hillary's past successful defense of a child rapist in order to justify the behavior (and their personal candidates). The simple truth is, this is all wrong! Two, or four, or a million wrongs can never make verbal or physical rape and abuse okay. If you don't want it in politics, it is time to stand up and throw it ALL out!!! The rape and abuse culture within politics is pervasive on both sides of the aisle.
More importantly, it is time to begin to recognize where we have made rape and abuse acceptable in our society. Look no farther than popular culture. The Fifty Shades of Grey book series, about an S&M sexual relationship, has sold over 125 million worldwide. Guilty pleasure or programmed response? A quick glance at TV and movie offerings show a lot more sexual encounters, many of them rough or violent in nature. The vast majority of us in the US have witnessed rape scenarios in something we have watched. Even simple "locker room talk" is thought to bring accolades to the person speaking of their sexual prowess--which is why it happens in the first place. It is this sort of "acceptable" behavior in our society we need to take a serious look at and question. This is how proven rapists end up getting sentenced to two month in jail!
When rape and abuse occur, many of us try to ignore it and sweep it under the rug. We are told things like "he was drunk", "you were drunk", "it is not a good thing to talk about in public", "you are going to ruin his/her whole life because of one little mistake", "boys don't get raped". Often, we try to forget, but the damage is done. We are left broken and scarred. We feel afraid and alone. The sad part is, we are not alone. More of us have been touched by this violence than we care to admit.
Until we are willing to shine a light on this darkness, the darkness will persist. Until we are willing to open up the discussion acknowledging this is a problem, rape and abuse will be part of our everyday culture.
I can no longer personally stomach sitting back and watching this illness take hold of more and more people. I am more than ready for this discussion! Join me?
~CSE
I am a sexual abuse victim by my foster father (still not ok, because he was not a blood relative) and I know what it does to a child. It splits their psyche in two. It is time we stood up and spoke about these issues, as long as it remains in the dark, and continues to be something politically we should not talk about, we leave it in darkness and unhealed. Thank you Cindy for this article.
ReplyDeleteAnn Hampton, I see you! Thank you for choosing to shine a light on this subject! Together, we can help heal the planet! <3
ReplyDelete