I find myself in an usual place in life right now and have been doing my best to process it. My husband of ten years--the person who helped me finish raising my children and has been a partner in my own personal growth--was recently diagnosed as being in the early stages of dementia. He is 58. I am 51. This is not something a person anticipates or plans for, especially at these relatively young ages.
Lately, most of my days are struggles as I flounder wildly about just trying to keep my head above water. Fear and sadness close in on me when I focus too closely on what my life could become in the future. I worry about the potential expenses involved in taking care of someone in the latter stages of this condition--especially considering I still need to work fulltime. I worry about taking care of myself as I realize I have become dependent on him in so many ways. The only thing that saves me is focusing on the moment at hand, trying to make things as pleasant for myself and those around me as I am able. What actions can I take in the present that will bring me joy? Love? Peace?
My daily meditation time has become my refuge in the storm. Because of my high stress levels, I am much more focused and able to hear the whispers of my guardians/angels as they speak to me, reassuring me they are here to help. They encourage me to ask for what I want. They tell me to trust and that when I can do this I will be amazed at how quickly things begin to fall into place.
The irony of this situation is that I have been praying this past year for BIG changes to come into my life. I spent years hiding in the safety of my cocoon and have only recently made the conscious decision to stop playing small and use my gifts for the benefit of myself and others. Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate something like this.
I have no real clue what my path looks like. I can see a destination--helping others heal from their life traumas while restoring balance and reducing separation, but the road is not nicely laid out in front of me. I have enough experience in life to know that what my mind sees is not the best or easiest way to get there. Life works by listening to God/Source and taking things one step at a time. At present, that is all I have the strength to do.
My life is currently in destruction mode. Ironically, the whole world is in destruction mode. We fight against the chaos and confusion because it seems as though everything we know and rely on is going to be lost. It's true. It IS going to be lost. What most of us fail to recognize is that sometimes our worlds need to fall apart in order to create something infinitely better.
Life is not at an end. We are being prepared for a new creation. Hold tight to that vision of your ideal future. It is coming.
~CSE
Lately, most of my days are struggles as I flounder wildly about just trying to keep my head above water. Fear and sadness close in on me when I focus too closely on what my life could become in the future. I worry about the potential expenses involved in taking care of someone in the latter stages of this condition--especially considering I still need to work fulltime. I worry about taking care of myself as I realize I have become dependent on him in so many ways. The only thing that saves me is focusing on the moment at hand, trying to make things as pleasant for myself and those around me as I am able. What actions can I take in the present that will bring me joy? Love? Peace?
My daily meditation time has become my refuge in the storm. Because of my high stress levels, I am much more focused and able to hear the whispers of my guardians/angels as they speak to me, reassuring me they are here to help. They encourage me to ask for what I want. They tell me to trust and that when I can do this I will be amazed at how quickly things begin to fall into place.
The irony of this situation is that I have been praying this past year for BIG changes to come into my life. I spent years hiding in the safety of my cocoon and have only recently made the conscious decision to stop playing small and use my gifts for the benefit of myself and others. Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate something like this.
I have no real clue what my path looks like. I can see a destination--helping others heal from their life traumas while restoring balance and reducing separation, but the road is not nicely laid out in front of me. I have enough experience in life to know that what my mind sees is not the best or easiest way to get there. Life works by listening to God/Source and taking things one step at a time. At present, that is all I have the strength to do.
My life is currently in destruction mode. Ironically, the whole world is in destruction mode. We fight against the chaos and confusion because it seems as though everything we know and rely on is going to be lost. It's true. It IS going to be lost. What most of us fail to recognize is that sometimes our worlds need to fall apart in order to create something infinitely better.
Life is not at an end. We are being prepared for a new creation. Hold tight to that vision of your ideal future. It is coming.
~CSE
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