Peace In the Chaos

The past year has been a very crazy and difficult one for me. This last month has been particularly chaotic as my family welcomed a new grandson into the world and I struggled to juggle several trips to south Georgia along with work and trying to take care of my husband's ever growing needs. Two days ago I was at the point of utter exhaustion and total mental meltdown as I attempted to get last minute prep done for my family's Christmas. I finally had to throw in the towel yesterday and allow myself to be content with what I had already gotten done.

Allowing myself to be content with my less-than-perfect self is tough. I am my own worst critic. Coupled with the fact that I enjoy making happy holiday memories for my family, my bright plans not all coming to fruition is a bit of a letdown.

That said, in the midst of the self-created chaos I've had some truly wonderful insights. The first (and most important): I am being way too hard on myself. I have created a must-have scenario that is unrealistic and unfair--especially considering the circumstances of my present life. I am losing the most important part of myself trying to bring about the "perfect" holiday.

I am also aware that I am doing too much for my adult children. When they were little, it was important to me that Christmas be exciting and fun. I so enjoyed planning, buying their Santa gifts, and trying to make sure they had happy childhood memories, regardless of the fact they lived in a one parent household. (Yes, I was overcompensating in many ways.) That said, Christmas was always my favorite holiday and I wanted my kids to share this with me. I believe I have been successful in that goal. The thing is, now that they are adults I need to pull my own reins in and allow them to create their own memories. I will still work to make sure I celebrate the holidays with them. I now understand I need to create new holiday goals--something more realistic and maybe something that includes more of the public at large like volunteering with a program that distributes toys to needy children.

Nearly having a nervous breakdown can sharpen your focus. As I sit in the quiet drinking my morning coffee, I understand that everything is all right in the world. I have shelter, clothing, food, a loving family that I will get to spend time with, and new opportunities opening up. There can be peace within the chaos. We just have to take the time to remember it.

My Christmas Wish For You!

Twenty-sixteen has been a struggle for many of us. Illness, death, financial struggles, employment setbacks all seem to have combined to create massive upheaval and chaos in our lives. The energies have been intense and not particularly pleasant for those of us who have chosen to become more than we are at present.

You may feel that all is lost and there is not much hope, but understand these are exciting times we reside in! It is through pain and struggle that we become so much more. Life is not lived on the mountain tops, but in the valleys and slogging up and down the sides of the mountain. Yes, the view from the top is great, but is is only the pain of the journey that allows us to see it.

As I sit here in the quiet of this Christmas morning, I feel the pain and struggles of humanity. While I know this too shall pass, it doesn't make the process any less comfortable. We will continue to struggle in the year ahead, but I do believe 2017 is a year we will begin to see significant change. The more we allow ourselves to go with the process, the more quickly and easily the process becomes.

My wish for you in the coming year is that you learn to appreciate the process! Understand change only happens through great pressure. Many of us undergo the adjustment kicking and screaming because we are being removed from our comfortable ruts. Becoming better is not easy or pleasant, but it is required if we desire to live in a better world.

Merry Christmas! May 2017 be the year you break out of the dark cocoon of your imprisonment and learn to use your wings!

~CSE

The Problem With Agendas

I love Christmas. I have so many fond memories of this time of year from growing up that I have always wanted to instill that joy in others. Christmas baking, music, hidden presents, family time, etc. are just some of the pleasant memories I want to instill in my own family. The problem comes in because I want to incorporate all these characteristics into every Christmas. I become very agenda-driven this time of year and it can be a problem. Why? It is very easy to let the agenda become the focus, very often missing out on what the heart tells you should happen.

This particular year's Christmas agenda involves my now two-year-old granddaughter. She already loves Christmas. Whenever we go to a store with a Christmas display she is extremely content to look at the Christmas trees with lights and the big blow up lawn ornaments that are popular now. I am hoping to get her interested in helping me with holiday baking and perhaps creating some good Christmas memories for her. She has already helped me with a few other baking projects so this seems like a reasonable thing to try. I have my baking supplies ready for her arrival and hope to bake one or two things every day for several days.

The thing is, expectations and reality can be two very different things. I may wish to accomplish several tasks, only to encounter problems along the way. For example, my granddaughter is two. She may not have the attention span or may just not enjoy the task of baking. She may get tired and cranky and want to go play with her toys, leaving both of us hurt and frustrated.

Agendas are problems because they are plans, usually constructed using the brain/mind. They involve rational thinking. I don't wish to bash rational thinking. It is helpful and has its place. The thing is, thinking with the mind is usually based on and limited to the information obtained from experience.

When you live from the heart, there is no conscious agenda. You may have goals. You just trust that the Universe has a plan to get you there. Instead of trying to think up a path to take you there, the heart follows the path of least resistance. In my experience, the path that I consciously choose with my mind and rational thinking (agenda) is almost never the path that gets me there.

I have decided it will be best to just try to go with the flow and try not to expect too much. I will listen to her needs. I will do what I can to to make things fun. I understand I will be doing most of it myself. I may not get it all finished. It's all good. I'm trusting the Universe has a plan to help me create beautiful Christmas memories for her.

Do not be afraid to let go of your agendas. Understand the Universe knows what you wish to create in the world. Allow your heart to show you the way. It probably will not go as expected, but rest assured it will be much better than anything you ever thought possible.

~CSE