I've been married twice in this lifetime. The first time I played the game the way I was programmed to play it, and I paid the price. The second time around is still a work-in-progress, but it has been a lot better in many ways.
My first marriage involved all those feelings girls grow up dreaming about marriage. From the moment we went on our first date, I felt as though I had known him forever, and I took this to be a "sign" that this was a relationship sent by God. We were comfortable together. He was also handsome and smart with a great sense of humor. I did know from the beginning he was flawed--I joked around with him about being paranoid and insecure, but I knew I was strong. I believed I was strong enough for both of us. I now know that was wrong.
As our relationship evolved, I allowed my strong, independent self to be replaced by someone I didn't even recognize. I became a wife and a mother and this became my whole identity. While there is nothing wrong with taking on the role of wife and mother, I ended up being the subservient one. I did whatever I could to make my husband and children happy, usually at my own expense. I neglected myself because I had been programmed to think my life was supposed to be about giving to others. Self-sacrifice was the name of the game. I played my part too well. By the time my husband left, I was a shell of my former self. It took literally years for me to pick myself back up and become healed enough to enter into a much more healthy relationship.
My second marriage started out rockier than my first marriage. Ironic as this is, the fact that my second husband treated me well was difficult for me to accept at first. I was not used to being treated with caring and respect, and in so many ways I felt undeserving. My natural reaction was to reject it! Still, I worked through the discomfort because I knew I deserved more than I had previously received.
Compromising within my new relationship has been even more difficult because I fought so hard over the years to make my wants and desires known in the Universe. Giving in usually feels like giving up to me as I struggle to balance the two.
What gives me hope in my second marriage is the fact that my husband is not afraid of the real me. He doesn't care that I think outside the box. In addition, he has been extremely good at not only allowing me to pursue my goals and dreams but supporting me in them. When I ask for his help, he gives it to me. That is such a gift as I did not receive that type of support in my first marriage. It has made all the difference in allowing me to express myself in ways I'd never dreamed possible. A solid marriage is one where both partners help to build each other up.
Although my first marriage was not ideal, I did take away some big life lessons. I am worthy to receive love and all the other good things the Universe has to offer me. I am a gifted and talented person who has a lot to offer the world. I am now open to all the Universe wants to give me and entrust me with.
Yes, I have been married twice in this lifetime. I wouldn't change a thing.
~CSE
My first marriage involved all those feelings girls grow up dreaming about marriage. From the moment we went on our first date, I felt as though I had known him forever, and I took this to be a "sign" that this was a relationship sent by God. We were comfortable together. He was also handsome and smart with a great sense of humor. I did know from the beginning he was flawed--I joked around with him about being paranoid and insecure, but I knew I was strong. I believed I was strong enough for both of us. I now know that was wrong.
As our relationship evolved, I allowed my strong, independent self to be replaced by someone I didn't even recognize. I became a wife and a mother and this became my whole identity. While there is nothing wrong with taking on the role of wife and mother, I ended up being the subservient one. I did whatever I could to make my husband and children happy, usually at my own expense. I neglected myself because I had been programmed to think my life was supposed to be about giving to others. Self-sacrifice was the name of the game. I played my part too well. By the time my husband left, I was a shell of my former self. It took literally years for me to pick myself back up and become healed enough to enter into a much more healthy relationship.
My second marriage started out rockier than my first marriage. Ironic as this is, the fact that my second husband treated me well was difficult for me to accept at first. I was not used to being treated with caring and respect, and in so many ways I felt undeserving. My natural reaction was to reject it! Still, I worked through the discomfort because I knew I deserved more than I had previously received.
Compromising within my new relationship has been even more difficult because I fought so hard over the years to make my wants and desires known in the Universe. Giving in usually feels like giving up to me as I struggle to balance the two.
What gives me hope in my second marriage is the fact that my husband is not afraid of the real me. He doesn't care that I think outside the box. In addition, he has been extremely good at not only allowing me to pursue my goals and dreams but supporting me in them. When I ask for his help, he gives it to me. That is such a gift as I did not receive that type of support in my first marriage. It has made all the difference in allowing me to express myself in ways I'd never dreamed possible. A solid marriage is one where both partners help to build each other up.
Although my first marriage was not ideal, I did take away some big life lessons. I am worthy to receive love and all the other good things the Universe has to offer me. I am a gifted and talented person who has a lot to offer the world. I am now open to all the Universe wants to give me and entrust me with.
Yes, I have been married twice in this lifetime. I wouldn't change a thing.
~CSE
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